A successful relationship is a healthy relationship. Meeting the right person is more about who you are rather than about the people you meet. People sense our “vibe” and this is what determines if they are attracted to us or not. In fact, you will attract what you want subconsciously. Yes, you heard me, you have the ability to attract whoever you want if you start adding value to the person you are. Add value to yourself and you will be in a successful relationship before you know it.
These five realisations will help you foster understanding and will give you a new perception of what is a successful relationship. These are not mere steps to follow; it is more valuable than that. These keys are fundamentals that you need to know in order to gain more control over your life and add value to yourself.
Usually, the less time we spend with someone, the less we will feel hurt and pain from that relationship. The more time we spend with someone, the more we will feel pain when it comes to that relationship.Sometimes we subconsciously avoid people because we are scared of getting hurt or we put an end to a relationship by fear of being let go. Everybody has a different perception of pain and that is what makes humans such interesting creatures.
THAT PAIN YOU FEEL IS NORMAL
Bonding with somebody that we really appreciate makes losing them very painful and sometimes gets us to lose hope in ever building a successful relationship.We always forget that all those feelings and needs to bond are normal. It is normal that you are trying to protect yourself, and it is normal that you need somebody to connect with. We are social creatures, we need to connect, bond and feel loved by somebody else. It is all normal, especially getting heart broken, so it is time to smile because you are a human. Those feelings of fear of not finding the right person are also normal, cut yourself some slack.The more you show love and gratitude toward yourself and the quicker you will gain reduce the lengthof those powerful but yet normal feelings.
Each and every personhas lived different life experiences. Nobody in the whole world can ever judge somebody else because nobody can fully understand the connections that certain events, past experiences, and traumas have caused to the other person. You have your story and you should be proud of your story. Your uniqueness is the first step toward discovering the keys leading to a successful relationship. Hold on to your uniqueness, appreciate it as it is and begin infusing love all over it. One of the biggest mistakes happening in the relationship world is that people are trying to fill empty spots through their relationships with others. Many are trying to find someone who will complete them, make them feel whole and show them the way.
LOVE VS TOXICITY
Close your eyes, look for your empty spots, find them and fill them with love, your love. Toxic relationships start when the other person becomes an integral part of us. When that happens, toxicity replaces love, hate replaces compassion and possessiveness replaces intimacy. Instead, find the courage to love yourself by taking care of your mind, body, soul, and heart. Then transmit that love into others, even those you have no intentions on being in a relationship with. A “successful relationship” is not about two people who found each other; it is about two people who found themselves. Therefore, the second key is to be ok being alone, that loneliness will help you accept yourself. As soon as you will start to show happiness, fulfillment and love toward yourself even when you are alone, you will instantly start attracting the right people into your life. That self-love will give you clarity toward the future, leading to meeting people who will walk with you and not controlling where you are going.
You attract what you are thinking about.Yes, our past shaped a huge part of who we are. The past installed many beliefs in our subconscious mind. Many people lived through very difficult experiences and as a result, developed different habits and rules to live by. These habits are conscious and unconscious depending on their emotional significance. Many people interpret relationships using the patterns they have developed from modeling and learning from their parent’sand their own past negative relationships.
LEARN AND GROW
Your past is a valuable tool as long as you use it as a learning experience rather than a reminder. The difference is that learning from the past gets you to take the valuable lessons from the good and the bad and move on. When someone keeps the past as a reminder, that person is unconsciously re-wiring the same connections and emotional buttons which gets the same past to manifest in their present and future. Your subconscious mind cannot differentiate time. Thus, it is taking what you are thinking about in the past and processing it as if it were re-occurring in the present, so your past becomes your future reality. Do not get me wrong here, if you are having wonderful thoughts and feeling positive emotions about your past, sometimes it is needed to re-locate yourself and find out what you are looking for. But if you are replaying a negative experience over and over again, interpreting the past as negative and failing to see the positive learning experiences, you will keep attracting the same toxic people and the same negativity that you always wanted to escape from. The third key is to build your future with the things you want to have and not building the future with the negativity of the past. None of your past experiences are bad, they are learning opportunities. But by constantly playing the victim and replaying these experiences in your mind, you are reprogramming yourself to attract the same past experiences in your future. Change your interpretation, change your life.
I get this question very often. Many get confused and overthink the process. They want to be ready to embark in a relationship with someone but do not know if they are, or don’t know what it means to be ready.As long as you keep asking yourself this question, you are obviously not ready, but who am I to make such a claim? There is no such thing as being ready or not.
FLOW IN THE NOW
Life, the universe, God or whatever you want to call it is not waiting for you to be ready in order to throw flowers on your way. You are always ready. You can be already in a relationship and start working on yourself and develop good habits with your partner. So yes, you are ready, and you do not need to ask this question anymore, not even to yourself. Achieving a successful relationship is not about following certain specific steps in order to reach a destination. If you follow this mentality you will never understand the true meaning of a successful relationship. Instead it is a state of being, it is realizing certain things, it is understanding others without judging, it is communicating in a healthy manner, it is knowing what you want and who you want to become. A state of flow is following your heart, it is taking shots at life without looking back, it is building memories without any fear of the future. If you build a fearful future in your mind, you will never enjoy present moments. Be optimistic toward the future and know that there is no such thing as being ready. Ready is a state that you can put yourself in now.
These days there are many methods people use in order to meet different people and bond with them. It is a shot in the dark if you really think about it. You pick somebody based on their outer appearances, which is important to some degree, and then you meet them and try to see if you are a good fit with each other or not. That is perfect right? But as we both know, it is not that easy. There are many components that come into play when trying to find the right person.
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
It is very important to know at least 3 things that you would love to see in a person you are in a relationship with. For sure you have more than 3 but put your top 3 out there. Then write your top 3 attributes that you do not want a person you are in a relationship with to have. This is very simple but an extremely powerful exercise, because it will help you start understanding what you want and what you do not want. What are the qualities that turn you on and what are the things that turn you off. But this exercise goes a little further, try to write personality and emotional aspects rather than physical aspects. Basically, how would you like your partner or future partner to make you feel? What behaviours you want your partner to have? By having this short list, you will know when the person is a fit for you or not and you will avoid forcing yourself into relationships that deep inside you know won’t go anywhere.
We all have different lives with different experiences which means we have different preferences. I am not saying you need to find a person who acts like a perfect human because that will just not happen. But when we know the major personality traits that we just cannot stand in a person we instantly start setting ourselves up for success. Having an idea of the three things we dislike in someone will help us navigate through who we let in our lives and who we let out. Many fights it and try to make the relationship work regardless but one way or another it will literally explode. If you cannot stand liars and you are with a liar, chances are that one day you will dumb them, or you will do everything in your power to make them hate you. This happens on a subconscious level and is one of the causes of many arguments/divorces. The fifth key is to roughly know what you want and what you strictly forbid in a relationship. Besides, always remember to build memories and if it is meant to be it will be.